A slight cracklin' noise and then...WOOF!

[oldfart]

Okey-Dokey Folks....grab a beer and sit down and lemme tell ya'll "Todays Story." Now most of ya'll know I'm right in the middle of remodeling my bathroom...eh? O.K. Well, Carol is coming to visit tommorrow and looking at my home it sure looks like I haven't got a helluva lot done in the past 10 days. (It's our 3rd. anniversary...and I want to make a good impression.) Anyways...I gutted the bathroom down to the floor-joists and wall-studs and chucked the old plumbing and wiring and I'm starting from scratch. I fitted the new floor, hung the drywall and re-routed the plumbing and today I snatched up a paint roller to lay on the final coat of primer on the new walls. HUZZAH! AND!!!!....I have a toilet now! YEEHAAW! Now that might be a small consideration to some...they have not squatted on 5gal. buckets for the past 2 weeks! In lieu of a bathroom door I have a sheet carefully stapled to the framework and trust she will accept this. Anyways....today I snatched up the paint tray and a roller on a longhandled tool and began todays quest. The final coat of primer on the walls! And then the problem began. More to come..of course. Audie..the longwinded one.....

[oldfart]

Ahhhh yes...Part 2! When I gutted the bathroom one of the first things I did was remove the old "chandelier" from the bathroom. Don't take this as any advice...I'm just too lazy to paint around a light-fixture. It's easier to just rip it out and bug off the wires..then prime and paint and then re-install it. And it worked quite well until today when it was too dark to see to paint. Soooooo...I rooted around in the junkpile and found an old "porceline-piece"..(you electricians know of what I speak)...and wired it into the ceiling and screwed a 100 watt bulb into it and continued with my work. And so there I was...confined in a 7ft.x8ft. bathroom laden with paint fumes and an incandescent bulb flopping about my head as I probed the walls and ceiling with this metal rod dripping primer and I went about my toil. All went well for quite some time...until I managed to whack the lightbulb with an errant blow. Not enough of a blow to actually break the bulb...just enough to fracture it..in an enclosed area..filled with "possibly flammable fumes"....known to cause brain-damage....! Yes-in-deedy..this is where it gets interesting Folks! More to come of course. Audie..the longwinded Oldfart....

[oldfart]

Well now Folks..let me re-cap a bit. 52yr. old fat man wedged into a small room....paint fumes...possibly flammable... everywhere....old man slightly groggy from said paint-fumes and he whacks a lightbulb and fractures it..right at eyeball level. Nowhere to run..even if he could...no room to duck and the filiment of the broken lightbulb is inches away from his face and glowing brighter by the millisecond....in a tiny room filled with...yes...explosive vapors. Not just the paint fumes I might add! Peering at the filiment of the lightbulb...(now glowing white-hot in this environment) ....something becomes crystal clear to me. A mere moral mans eyeballs may expand much farther than he might ever imagine! As well...a mans spincter muscle will contract much tighter than most mere mortal men will ever understand at such a moment in his life!!!! And then...a slight cracklin' noise...and a WOOF! These eyebrows will grow back soon. These underwear will be replaced. A bath will scour off the stains...most of them....and eventually the heartbeat will return to normal. But..the memories....ahhh yes..the memories... will linger my friends. Audie...the Oldfart....

[mokehillannie]

Ahhh Audie,

You do have a way with words. Too funny!!

Hope you are ok.

[WildIrish]

Audie, Audie, Audie...you never fail to amaze me! You should write a book about your exploits, though I'll admit it's probably only those of us here who would believe you, LOL!